


For The First Time

by FuryRed



Series: Heart and Soul [6]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Bottom Erik, Charles Being Concerned, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Erik Has Feelings, Erik has Issues, Established Relationship, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:18:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryRed/pseuds/FuryRed
Summary: It is one thing to be intimate with Charles, but quite another for Erik to give himself to him completely.But Erik wants it. Though his heart races in trepidation, he wants it.The only question is- can he go through with it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pinkoptics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkoptics/gifts).



 

 

The first time Erik asks for it he is anxious.

To begin with it is only a fleeting thought; a passing idea that flits through Erik’s mind without urgency, or desperation. But as the day goes on the thought takes hold, becomes more forceful, gripping, until it is all Erik can think about.

In the daytime Erik is with Charles, as he usually is. Though they are currently in the midst of taking exams at the university they attend they both have a day off between tests, and Erik has persuaded Charles to put down his books for a moment and to enjoy the warm, summer’s day that they have been unexpectedly presented with. Charles is reluctant at first, but by the time they are walking alongside a canal, a clear, blue sky above them with very few other people in sight, it seems like for once studying is the furthest thing from Charles’ mind.

Erik walks with Charles, listening as he chatters excitedly about his latest scientific thoughts and theories, enjoying the way his eyes grow bright and excited with each utterance, like he’s so enthused about what he’s saying and who he’s saying it to. He is stunning, and all of a sudden it’s like Erik will die if he doesn’t touch him. Erik reaches over and grasps Charles’ hand, sliding his fingers to intertwine with Charles’ as Charles abruptly stops talking and looks down at his hand in Erik’s, like it is some new, rare event that must be documented. And then he smiles. Oh god, he _smiles_. The grin that creeps over Charles’ face is so wide and so giddy Erik begins to wonder if Charles has developed some sort of secondary mutation that gives him the ability to completely dislocate his jaw. It’s soon clear that it’s more than just the expression on his face though, it’s the feeling coming from his mind- the pure, yellow energy of bliss and contentment, the feeling very much like the rays of the sun shining down upon them.

After a moment Charles looks up at Erik, that same goofy grin still on his face, and then he is holding Erik’s hand with both of his own and stepping closer to rest his head against Erik’s shoulder. It makes movement a bit awkward, but Charles stays like that as they walk along for the next half-mile or so, until they stop to sit together by the side of the pathway under the shade of a large oak tree. Erik lays down in the soft grass with his head propped up by his folded jacket as Charles snuggles in beside him, resting his head on Erik’s chest and wrapping his arm around Erik’s waist.

They stay there for what seems like forever but at the same time not long enough, until Erik slowly drifts off and later opens his eyes to find Charles still next to him, but no longer lying down. Whilst Erik was sleeping Charles seems to have amassed a collection of wildflowers which he is using to fashion into a long chain, a chain that he forms into a circle and brings with him as he shuffles back over to Erik, not noticing as Erik closes his eyes once more. Erik keeps his eyes shut as he feels Charles lean over him, feels Charles place the crown of flowers around his head, feels an uncontrollable smile spread across his own face…

“I know you’re not sleeping”, Charles laughs, leaving the flowers in place and pressing himself against Erik’s chest once more.

Erik opens his eyes to regard Charles in front of him, looking bright and relaxed and happy. He leans close for a kiss, and as their lips touch Erik knows it’s probably the most perfect day he has ever experienced in his life.

 

As they walk home some time later Erik thinks about Charles, thinks about how good he is, how kind, how wonderful, how patient. Erik has always known that Charles is undoubtedly more than he deserves, and can’t help but be unbelievably grateful for every day that has been brightened by Charles’ existence. Erik feels very much like he owes Charles his life, like everything he is and everything he has belongs to Charles, and that’s what makes Erik want to give Charles something very important.

It’s never been discussed before, though the idea has crossed Erik’s mind once or twice, but such thoughts are concealed like so many of Erik’s secrets, locked away with the things that would pain him to share. However, as Erik walks home that day he cannot help but think of it more, want it, need it, until he knows he can keep it to himself no longer.

When the thought is finally expressed Erik is lying on the bed in Charles’ dorm room, listening to the quiet murmur of music from the radio that is playing, and wondering if the racing of his heart is audible over the sound.

“I think you should fuck me”.

As the words leave Erik’s lips Charles immediately startles, dropping the book he is holding and looking up from where he is laying between Erik’s legs. His eyes are wide and surprised but Erik thinks he can detect interest in them, seemingly confirmed when Charles swallows hard and says: “Alright…”

“We would have to go up to my room”, Erik continues, trying to get the words out before they fail him. “We can’t do it down here because of… you know”.

At that Erik tilts his head, gesturing down at the small orange cat that is sprawled across Charles’ lap, purring contentedly. Pets are of course not allowed in the dormitories of the university, but after Charles rescued the kitten some weeks ago Erik could only listen to so many rounds of “Oh, Erik- that poor cat still hasn’t been adopted, I wonder how it’s doing, maybe we should go visit it at the shelter, maybe I can persuade someone to adopt it” until he could take it no more. Charles did persuade someone to adopt the cat in the end, but to Erik’s surprise it was himself who ended up insisting the cat had a home, practically shoving Charles into his car so he could drive him across town to collect the furry bastard. Charles had been sceptical at first even though it was clearly something he wanted, but after a bit of gentle encouragement from Erik, Charles had gone along with the idea, and had agreed to use his telepathy to ensure no one knew of the cat’s new residence.

Fortunately to date there have been no issues, and the only implications of the cat living with Charles is Erik finding that he cannot sit down for five minutes without the cat jumping up and making herself at home in his lap. Erik grumbles each time, but somehow still ends up begrudgingly petting the beastie, whilst Charles looks over at him and grins victoriously.

On this occasion it’s Charles who is petting the cat, gently stroking his fingers through ginger fur as he continues to stare up at Erik in quiet astonishment. Erik looks down at Charles, at his kind and open face, at the gorgeous smattering of freckles on his nose and cheeks, at the worship in his eyes, and knows that he wants this, wants to give himself to Charles completely, but also knows that it scares him, that such an act would be a level of vulnerability he has never experienced before.

“Charles, do you want to do this or not?” Erik asks eventually, finding himself growing irritated at Charles’ continuing silence, though more likely he is just anxious about the situation.

“Um, yes…” Charles replies slowly. “Yes, darling- if that’s what you want then yes, yes of course I want to”.

It’s a good enough answer for Erik and he abruptly starts to sit up, unseating Charles and startling the cat who lets out a small yowl of protest and glares at Erik, as much as a cat can glare. Charles gently scoops the kitten into his arms and carries her with him as he slides off the bed and turns to face Erik, still looking like he can’t quite believe what is happening.

“Are you coming or what?” Erik asks, trying his best to seem like he is disinterested in the answer as he steps past Charles and wanders over to the door. When Erik reaches it he turns around to face Charles, fighting to control the tremor in his hands, and holding his breath as Charles stands there cradling the cat, still not making a move. But just as Erik is wishing he had the ability to cause amnesia so that they could forget this whole sorry incident, Charles snuggles the cat closer and dips his head to rub his cheek against the top of her head.

“Be good, Marmalade”, Charles murmurs, earning himself a bright meow in response as he places the cat on his bed and turns to walk towards Erik.

 

Several minutes later Erik is in his room, in his bed, with Charles, like he has been so many times before even though it feels like the first time. Erik kisses Charles and holds him close and allows Charles to start to edge his clothing off, but underneath every kiss and touch and embrace is the knowledge of what’s about to happen, of what Erik is about to give to Charles. For Erik, it feels very much like he is counting down to the event, like there is an explosion about to go off, like these moments the precursor to a catastrophic incident, and it’s only when Erik feels the press of soft lips against his furrowed brow that he realises he has been shutting his eyes like he is bracing for impact.

As Erik opens his eyes he sees Charles watching him, his fingertips gently stroking through Erik’s hair.

“Darling, we don’t have to do this…” Charles starts, but Erik cannot afford for there to be doubts, cannot bear the idea of having offered something to Charles only to take it away again. And so he shakes his head as if to clear it, and pulls Charles down on top of himself to resume the embrace.

By the time Erik is fully naked the nerves have started up again, a feeling beneath his skin like electricity cracking just under the surface, making him static and sensitive to touch. Charles is laying beside him, their bare chests pressed together, their hard cocks touching, and though Erik’s body tells him he wants this his mind is still fighting every touch, and he cannot help but flinch as Charles’ hand slides down to the small of his back.

But of course Charles is sensitive, and kind, and knows Erik better than anyone ever has. And so he stills at the tremor, and smooths his hand over Erik’s back in large, comforting circles. He kisses Erik soft and slow, adding little licks to Erik’s lips that he mirrors with a flick of his fingers across Erik’s spine, and waits until Erik has relaxed once more, until Erik is leaning into his body. Only then does he reach for the lube on Erik’s bedside table, moving away for only a moment, though just long enough for Erik to escape…

As Charles sits up Erik rolls over, reaching for the lubricant ahead of Charles and passing it back without turning around. Erik feels Charles take the tube from his hand, feels Charles’ fingertips close around his shoulder as he gently tries to turn Erik back over to face him, but Erik shakes his head and holds firm.

“No, like this”, Erik requests, edging down to lie on his side on the mattress once more, eyes focused on the window beside his bed and the fading daylight outside. It’s painfully vulnerable, but Erik opens his legs at that, rolling slightly over and pressing his knee flat against the mattress as he angles his backside towards Charles.

“Erik…” Charles says softly. He sounds so far away, and Erik can’t help wanting to turn over to reach for him, but he remains where he is and says once more: “Like this”.

From Charles there is the soft echo of a sigh, and then he is shifting closer on the mattress as Erik braces himself for the first invasive touch. It doesn’t come though. Instead, Erik feels Charles’ lips press against his shoulder blade; soft, featherlike kisses that are so gentle they make Erik feel a tremor deep within in his heart that he knows the name of. The kisses continue, slow and sweet, as Charles trails his lips all over Erik’s upper back, at the same time caressing Erik’s chest and sides and stomach and hips with his hands, until eventually he reaches down to grasp Erik’s member and begins to stroke.

Erik can’t help but groan at Charles’ touch, at the careful dedication he pays with his hands, and it’s no surprise when Erik is soon fighting to keep himself from thrusting into Charles’ grip as he feels his cock become slick with pre-come. Erik’s breathing grows laboured as Charles strokes him, as Charles nuzzles at the sensitive spot just behind his ear, but in spite of all the touches Erik can feel there is one he can’t, and he knows Charles is holding back.

Without lifting his head from the pillow Erik reaches back to grasp a handful of Charles’ lush arse and uses his grip to pull Charles closer, until Charles cock is pressed against him. The feeling of the hard length pushed up against Erik’s buttocks solidifies the certainty of what is about to unfold, more so as Charles lets out a quiet moan and begins to roll his hips forward to brush his member along the line of Erik’s ass. Charles keeps his hand moving on Erik’s cock, eliciting suppressed moans and shudders from Erik as the feeling competes with the unfamiliar sensation of Charles’ cock against his buttocks, until gradually Charles stops, and with a further fond kiss to Erik’s shoulder he withdraws his hands.

Erik knows what’s coming, knows what he has committed himself to, knows what he both wants and fears, but at the first touch of Charles’ lubed fingers to his skin Erik can’t help but let out a quiet whimper that he tries to muffle. Though his face is turned into the pillow and his eyes are closed Erik can feel that Charles is watching him, looking for any signs of discomfort as he slowly trails his fingers down the line of Erik’s buttocks, until they pad tentatively against Erik’s entrance.

“Tell me if you want me to stop”, Charles says softly, leaning close to speak into Erik’s ear. “Darling, just _think it_. Anything you’re uncomfortable with just find a way to let me know and I’ll stop. Okay, love?”

In that moment words are failing, but Erik manages a quick nod that evidently Charles recognises as he presses a brief kiss to Erik’s cheek, before he withdraws once more. Charles rests his chin on Erik’s shoulder as his fingertips brush gently against the sensitive parts of Erik that make him squirm, until Erik sucks in an unsteady breath as he feels Charles’ finger edge inside.

It’s unfamiliar, but not too uncomfortable, and as Charles begins to slowly work his digit inside Erik fights to control his breathing, to stay calm, to give this to Charles. He wants this, wants the intimacy of having Charles inside him, but can’t stop his mind wandering to every unwanted touch that has ever befallen him, every touch that wasn’t as kind and considerate as Charles is.

Of course, after a moment Erik finds himself lulled by the soothing feeling of Charles lips on his neck, of Charles voice softly whispering encouragement, and he barely flinches as Charles inserts a second finger and begins twisting them slowly, up until the point Charles’ fingers brush against somewhere strange and Erik can’t help but cry out.

“Ssshh… Ssshh, it’s alright…” Charles murmurs, kissing Erik’s neck as he draws his fingertips over Erik’s prostate once more, eliciting another heady moan from Erik as his cock twitches of its own accord. It feels odd, but so good, and Erik cannot help but reach back for Charles, grasping Charles’ hip bruisingly as he lifts his face from the pillow to turn back, and Charles captures his mouth in a kiss.

Charles keeps kissing Erik as he continues to work him open, as Erik groans and shudders and feels the tension build promisingly in the base of his cock, almost bringing him close to the edge but never crossing over. Charles is clearly attuned to Erik’s mental state, and each time Erik’s moans grow a little too frantic he always slows his movements, and presses gentle kisses to his lips to quieten him down. But although the act is pleasurable in it’s entirely and Erik feels like he could do this forever, he knows it can only last so long, and it’s no surprise when Charles slowly withdraws his fingers, trailing his mouth along Erik’s cheek and over to his jawline as he does so.

“Are you ready for me, darling?” Charles whispers in Erik’s ear, the palm of his hand smoothing across the point of Erik’s hip in soothing motions. After a moment his hand trails higher up, moving to grasp Erik’s shoulder as he attempts to roll Erik onto his back fully, but it’s a level of intimacy Erik still isn’t quite ready for and so he remains where he is.

“Yes… Yes, but like this”, Erik requests, turning his face back into the pillow once more.

If Charles is disappointed he doesn’t show it, he simply smooths his hand along Erik’s side for a further few moments before he withdraws, and as Erik listens to the sounds of Charles slicking up his cock he presses his eyes tightly shut, and knows what’s coming next.

At the first press of Charles’ cock to Erik’s ass he lets out an involuntary moan, clenching his fist as Charles trails the head of his member into position. Erik is sure that Charles must be painfully aroused by now given how long it has taken to get Erik ready, plus the inherent excitement of the fact that they have never done this before, but he shows no signs of rushing as he gently pushes against Erik’s hole, his breath hot against Erik’s neck as he breaths unsteadily.

“Erik, love…” Charles groans, his words turning into a whimper as he begins to push inside, as Erik shuts his eyes and spreads his legs further, angling the lower part of his body towards Charles, but the upper half away. Charles’ hand comes to grip the back of Erik’s thigh, holding him as his hard length slips inside gradually, slowly, making Erik writhe and groan on the mattress.

“Charles… Charles…” Erik murmurs, gasping at the feeling of Charles’ cock filling him completely, the sensation so strange and so intense but _so good_ , more so as Charles smears lust-stupid kisses along Erik’s back and begins to rock forward. But it’s not just the sex, for a long time it hasn’t been just sex- maybe it never was. It’s _Charles_ , it’s everything that he gives and everything he is and everything he does, and Erik can think of nowhere he would rather be than here, even if his heart is racing so fast it’s like he has just run, or like he wants to.

As Charles continues to thrust in slow motions he makes attempts to pull Erik towards himself, to get Erik to lift his head from the pillow so that they can kiss once more, but Erik remains where he is. And so, Charles instead presses his face in-between Erik’s shoulder blades and kisses him there, and uses his telepathy to gently envelop Erik’s mind with sentiment, to reassure him he is safe and loved. Erik definitely feels it, perhaps more than any other time he has lain with Charles- a soft and warm feeling, a deeper intimacy than Erik has ever experienced before. It allows Erik to open his eyes at last, to look down at his hard cock resting against his stomach as he reaches for it, needing to touch himself, to chase the release that has been building so promisingly for so long.

Erik knows he should probably be embarrassed at how quickly he comes, at how it only takes the combination of a few strokes of his member and a few thrusts of Charles’ cock to have him gasping and coming, every part of him tensing as he cries out and shudders through his orgasm. But in the next second Charles is grasping Erik more firmly and he is moaning against Erik’s back and his movements are becoming more erratic, until Erik can then feel both the pulse of pleasure coming from Charles’ mind and the unique sensation of Charles coming inside him, making Erik feel well and truly claimed and owned. It’s not an uncomfortably territorial feeling though, or a feeling of imprisonment and confinement, it’s a feeling of safety, of security, and Erik knows it’s a serenity he will never find elsewhere, nowhere but within Charles’ arms.

Charles holds Erik for a long time after they’ve both finished coming. He keeps his cock buried inside as he wraps his arms firmly around Erik, breathing hard and placing intermittent kisses to Erik’s back. In turn, Erik lies there, and thinks of Charles, of what has just happened, of how it felt then and how he feels about it now. Erik knows that for a long time such intimacy would have been more than he could bear, he knows this, but right now it feels… it feels…

It just feels… _right_.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

The second time Erik asks for it he is drunk.

It is late in the evening, and both Charles and Erik have spent a considerable portion of the day drinking- sitting together in one of the pubs off-campus as they celebrate finishing their exams. They won’t know the results for a few weeks, but at least for now all the stress and preparation is over, and they can relax.

Charles is on top form- laughing and socialising with, well, pretty much everyone in the pub, and at one point taking it upon himself to try and imbue what- to Erik- looks like more ale than one man can reasonable consume. Charles manages it though, and as he finishes the drink he lets out what can only be described as a victory roar before he jumps down off the table he has been standing on and wanders over to Erik.

As Charles approaches he flashes Erik a zealous grin, wobbling slightly as he hands the empty glass back to a passing bartender before he flops down into a chair at the table Erik is sitting at, straddling it backwards and folding his arms across the back of the chair, before propping his chin and smiling at Erik.

“Hi”, Charles grins brightly. “Are you having a good time, darling?”

Erik is. Although his idea of a fun night usually involves significantly more quiet drinking and significantly less rowdy table dancing, he finds that sitting and watching Charles having a good time is an event in itself, and knows the night is one that he would happily repeat at any time in the future.

“You have beer on your face…” Erik says fondly, reaching over and wiping his thumb against the corner of Charles’ mouth where some droplets of liquid have amassed. He draws his thumb slowly across Charles’ lower lip, until Charles opens his mouth and presses his tongue out to brush against the pad of Erik’s thumb, and Erik feels a predictable stir of arousal in his groin.

Interestingly though, Erik’s thoughts at that moment are not quite as they usually are. Often when Erik thinks of Charles in an intimate manner he thinks about laying Charles out underneath himself, of touching and kissing Charles, of fucking him slowly and thoroughly to make him groan and come. This time, Erik doesn’t want that. He wants Charles, yes, but he wants Charles in charge. He wants Charles in control.

He wants Charles to fuck him again.

 

By the time they reach the dormitory that night Erik has knocked back another couple of rounds of whiskey, feeling like he needs the liquid courage, and as soon as they are safely inside Erik’s room Erik reaches for Charles, pulling Charles against himself as he kisses him firmly and slides his hands down to grope Charles’ arse.

“I think I want you to fuck me”.

This time, Charles instantly groans at the words. He leans back and looks up at Erik, his eyes dark with lust and desire as he holds Erik on the hips and rubs his thumbs slowly against Erik’s stomach over his shirt.

“You’re sure?” Charles asks.

“Yes”, Erik breathes. “Yes, I want you to”.

Of course, by the time Erik is naked and in bed with Charles the inevitable nerves have resurfaced again, crackling just under the surface of his skin like fire surging through his bloodstream. Charles is so warm next to him, pressed flush against Erik’s chest as they kiss, limbs entangled with Erik’s like they are hopelessly entwined, like this is where they have always belonged, and as Charles trails his hands down Erik’s back and cups his ass Erik can’t help but lean into Charles’ body, aching for the pleasure he knows it can provide.

“You’re sure?” Charles asks again. His fingers are already slick with lube and tracing Erik’s entrance in slow circles, but he waits patiently and gazes at Erik as he waits for consent.

In response, Erik nods, and closes his eyes tight as he leans close to kiss Charles again.

This time, Erik doesn’t tremble too much as Charles slowly works him open, taking time and care as he prepares Erik, until Erik is feeling so worked up and so aroused that every touch of Charles’ hands feels like ecstasy, every kiss is a work of art. Nevertheless, at the point when Charles withdraws his hands, placing a quick kiss to Erik’s nose as he does so, Erik takes the opportunity to move- rolling onto his stomach before drawing his limbs under himself, so he is braced on his hands and knees against the mattress.

“Erik…” Charles starts.

“Like this”, Erik interrupts, planting his stance firmly.

At that Erik tilts his head, looking at Charles who is still lying on his side facing Erik. Charles has a thoughtful expression on his face, and he looks positively sinful considering he is completely naked with his hard cock standing to attention, but Erik can only look for a second before he turns away once again.

“Please, Charles…”

Emitting a soft sigh, Charles gets up at last and moves to kneel behind Erik. Erik listens to the sounds of Charles moving around, of him squirting lube into his hand, of him slicking up his cock. Erik’s own member is hard and heavy where it’s hanging between his legs, desperate to be touched, or just desperate for Charles in general, and at the first brush of Charles’ cock just behind Erik’s balls Erik whimpers, dipping his head down as his legs begin to shake.

“It’s alright, darling…” Charles murmurs, placing both hands on Erik’s hips and giving him a gentle squeeze. Just the sound of Charles’ voice is soothing, and Erik lets out a long breath as he steadies himself on the mattress, and waits.

Charles keeps his hands on Erik’s hips as he shifts forward, as he begins to push his cock inside- prompting a low groan from Erik that is mirrored by a similar sound from Charles. Like the last time the first push of penetration is slow and considered, and when Charles’ member is buried to the hilt he stills, wrapping both arms around Erik’s waist as he presses his face against Erik’s spine.

“Erik…” Charles groans. “You feel so good, love…”

“Liebling…” Erik mumbles, spreading his legs wider and angling back into Charles’ body, trembling as Charles begins to rock forward in slow, intense thrusts. The angle, being different from the last time, has Charles’ shaft sliding deeper than before, making Erik’s toes curl with every slow roll of Charles’ hips, making a low moan escape his lips as his cock grows heavier still.

Whether it’s because of his telepathy or because Charles is just so intuitive Erik doesn’t know, but either way Charles seems to know just how to hold Erik and how to touch him and what speed and pressure to use, all these things making Erik groan deeply as his cock physically _aches_ between his legs. He wants to touch it, more than that he wants Charles to, but Erik doesn’t even have to say the words Charles just knows, and though he keeps his arms wrapped around Erik’s waist and his face pressed against Erik’s back he slides one hand down towards Erik’s cock.

To begin with though, Charles doesn’t touch him there. Instead he carefully grasps Erik’s balls, gently massaging with the palm of his hand as he murmurs: “Not yet, darling, just hold out a little longer for me…”

It pains Erik, but if it’s what Charles wants Erik will give it to him, he will hold his breath and ignore the way his cock throbs as Charles thrusts into him, as Charles’ mouth trails along his spine. Besides, it feels so good what Charles is doing, so perfect and so pure, Erik knows he wouldn’t really complain if it lasted a lifetime.

Eventually though, it becomes clear that Charles is having a hard time holding out too. His hair is damp with sweat where it is plastered against Erik’s back, and his breathing is shallow and ragged as the kisses he is placing to Erik’s skin grow more disordered and messy, like he is simply gasping against Erik’s back rather than kissing him there.

“Come on…” Charles says eventually, moaning and panting as he wraps his hand around Erik’s cock and starts to stroke firmly. It feels so good Erik has a hard time not coming immediately at the first deft touch of Charles’ careful fingers, but he holds out until he hears Charles’ groans grow louder, until he senses the energy coming from Charles’ mind become intense and heady, until he once again feels the newly familiar sensation of Charles coming inside him. Only then does Erik come, crying out as his cock spurts over Charles’ fingers, and shaking as Charles holds him through it.

 

After they have both recovered from the moment Charles slowly disentangles himself from the embrace, and carefully lays Erik down upon the mattress. He retrieves a damp cloth and cleans both Erik and himself off, before heading back into the bathroom. When he returns Erik is lying on his side facing the wall, naked and vulnerable but safe, so safe with Charles. Nevertheless, even though Erik’s earlier fears about the situation have so far been proven unfounded, there is a new concern rising urgently through his worried mind.

Charles is good at this. The way he moves and the things he does are no accident, they are the actions of someone well-rehearsed at pleasing, of someone experienced... And so, as Charles climbs onto the bed and presses himself against Erik’s back, wrapping one arm around Erik’s waist as he starts to nuzzle into the nape of Erik’s neck, Erik draws in a shaky breath, and asks: “Charles, have you done this before?”

If Erik’s question has startled Charles he doesn’t show it, he just continues to place soft kisses to Erik’s skin as he says: “Done what?”

“Have you fucked other men before?”

This time there is a noticeable pause, but it is only for a second and there is no emotion perceivable in Charles’ voice as he replies simply: “Yes”.

It’s the answer Erik expected, but the confirmation still makes him shake as unwarranted images of Charles, of _his_ Charles with other men surge to the front of his thoughts unbidden. Erik probably should have realised sooner- Charles is beautiful and kind and charming, and it should come as no surprise that he has had other relationships before, plus it’s not too much of a stretch to realise that Charles- who can be so confident and so sure of himself- would have topped in the past. But just as Erik is beginning to try and reassure himself he has nothing to fear from Charles’ past, there is another line of questioning that suddenly begs for attention, that makes Erik’s breath short catch in his chest as his heart clenches in pure panic.

“Have you been fucked by other men before?”

At last, Charles stills. Though he keeps his arms wrapped tight around Erik he stops kissing him, and instead ducks his head down to nestle in the space just between Erik’s shoulder blades, like he is trying to hide. There is a long pause, a lapse in conversation that makes Erik’s pulse race frantically, but he doesn’t really allow himself to believe it could be true, not until Charles lets out a shaky sigh and replies softly: “Just you”.

Within an instant those thoughts of Charles with other men are pushed solidly from Erik’s mind, replaced with something else entirely, something more real, something that makes Erik’s heart spasm like it is about to give out. Recollection. Memory. _Regret_.

Erik remembers that first night with Charles- Charles’ _first night_ like that at all- remembers Charles’ face drawn with tension, remembers Charles’ hand tightly clutching the bedsheets, remembers Charles’ moans that sounded like pleasure but could easily have been pain, oh god, _oh god_.

As every single moment of that encounter comes flooding back into Erik’s senses he closes his eyes like he is trying not to see, but each second of the act is within his mind regardless like it is seared into Erik’s memory. To think of how he took Charles that night, what he did, how he treated him…

“You should have told me”, Erik says quietly, shaking uncontrollably. “I could have been… could have been…”

Could have been what? Could have been kinder? Gentler? Could have made sure Charles really wanted it? Could have not used him and come on him and broken up with him?

“Erik…” Charles says, the sound coming out like a sob. “Erik, don’t. I offered it to you that night, don’t you remember? Please don’t think I didn’t want it because I did”.

“But Charles, you… you…” All words are failing, replaced with deep sorrow and regret for the things that have happened, for the things Erik couldn’t have known but that he blames himself for nonetheless. Charles could have said something, certainly, he probably _should_ have said something, but Erik knows deep down that it’s not like he was looking out for the signs anyway, that it’s sometimes hard to see things that you aren’t searching for. It’s too late now anyway. In the end, Erik knows he will never be able to undo now what has already been done.

“I’m sorry…” Erik whispers.

There is another sound from Charles, something like a whimper, and he wraps his arms more firmly around Erik’s waist and squeezes him tight. In that moment Charles’ mind feels broken, like it is sharp and fractured, and painful to touch. Still, Erik touches it. He uses the methods Charles has taught him to gently press his affection, his regret, his remorse and all of the love that he feels into Charles’ mind like a sorrowful kiss, and at the same time reaches down to grasp Charles’ hand, and brings it up to his mouth so he can press kisses to Charles’ skin.

“I’m sorry, Liebling… I promise I’ll be better”, Erik says softly.

Charles’ face feels damp where it is pressed against Erik’s skin.

“I know…” Charles replies quietly. “Darling, I know”.


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

The third time Erik asks for it he is desperate.

It has been a week since he and Charles last slept together, since Erik found out that their first time was Charles’ _first_ in that respect, and though they have spent most days and nights by each other’s side they have not really been intimate.

At first, Charles tries to pretend that everything is normal, as is his nature. Though Charles is undeniably skilled at helping and healing others, he is rather more reluctant when it comes to addressing the issues within his own life. It’s probably a kindness more than anything that Charles would be content to just let the issue go, to not make a big deal of it, and whilst that would normally be what Erik wants too, on this occasion he finds the problem is one that he cannot ignore.

Erik took something from Charles, something very special, and whether he meant to or not doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen. There are such overwhelming feelings of guilt and responsibility when it comes to that night that sometimes Erik feels like he hates himself, and more than ever like he does not deserve to have Charles in his life. But whenever Erik is in the midst of wallowing in such maudlin thoughts Charles will always come close, wrap his arms around Erik, and remind him of the reasons they are together. Erik knows that, whilst he cannot change the past, he can be better. He _will_ be better. For Charles.

There is so much free time now that the exams are over, and little to do other than enjoy the last few days of the school year and, in Erik’s case, look for somewhere to live after graduation. The only time Erik really leaves Charles’ side is to go look at properties to rent, and though Charles offers to come Erik feels like he needs that little bit of time away from him to think. It’s not a way of punishing Charles, for once, but a way of ensuring that he is treated fairly. Erik knows he can be cold and rude when his mind is occupied, and he does not want to force such behaviour on Charles, not until he has properly organised his thoughts.

On the first night after the revelation, Erik attempts to sleep alone. These days it is a rare occurrence that Charles and Erik do not spend the night in the same room, and to be honest Erik knows he sleeps better with Charles by his side. Regardless, on this occasion Erik kisses Charles goodbye at his door, and walks back to his dorm room by himself.

Erik’s attempts at sleeping do not go well. Erik wakes frequently, unaccustomed to the empty space beside himself where normally Charles lies, and wishes life was simple enough to just will away all obstacles. It isn’t though, and Erik knows that this situation with Charles will not just resolve itself without interference. But in the dead of the night Erik doesn’t really want to labour over sore points and solve them, he just wants Charles. And so, Erik rises from bed and goes to him.

When Erik uses his powers to unlock the door to Charles’ room and slips inside Charles is sound asleep, sprawled across the mattress on his stomach. It reminds Erik of that fateful night when he slept with Charles for the first time, and the grim familiarity is almost enough to make Erik turn and run there and then. But this time he doesn’t. Instead, Erik steps over towards the bed, scoops up the cat that is sleeping soundly next to Charles, and swiftly deposits her on the seat next to the desk. The cat, of course, protests with a yowl, and the noise awakens Charles who turns to look at Erik as he blearily wipes his eyes.

“Erik…?” Charles mumbles, starting to turn over in the bed. “What--”

“I can’t sleep without you”, Erik interrupts, moving closer as Charles immediately shifts over on the mattress to allow Erik room to lie down. “I don’t want to”.

“I can’t sleep without you either…” Charles replies softly, prompting a huff of derision from Erik as he stands by the bed.

“Charles, you were snoring when I walked through the door…”

“I do not snore!” Charles protests, pouting as Erik takes off his jumper and climbs into the bed, edging closer to the warmth of Charles’ body as Charles wraps the blankets around the two of them.

“Alright, you don’t snore, you just… wheeze sometimes”.

“I do not whe--” Charles starts, but the objection is abruptly halted by Erik capturing Charles’ mouth with a kiss; the noise quickly dissipating into a happy hum.

“I like your wheezing…” Erik murmurs when he has finished kissing Charles, shifting down against the mattress as Charles snuggles into Erik’s side and wraps his arm around Erik’s waist. “I can’t sleep without your wheezing”.

“Then stop trying to sleep on your own”, Charles replies simply, nuzzling into Erik’s chest. “I don’t like sleeping without you either”.

 

It’s a fair enough suggestion, and after that point Erik does not attempt to sleep alone again. He sees Charles most days and sleeps beside him each night, but though they are close they are still not intimate in the carnal sense.

But Erik can tell Charles wants it. Charles is not afraid to initiate sex, and more than once when Erik kisses Charles he feels the change like a subtle shift, evident in the way Charles’ kisses become slower and more passionate, in the way he holds Erik closer, in the way his hands begin to wander. But Erik still cannot stop thinking about what he did, and so most times he just gently pulls away, and puts distance between themselves and the situation.

Of course, it is not always so easy to withdraw. One night Erik is in bed, just drifting off after all attempts to wait up for Charles have failed. Charles is out with friends at some event or another that Erik elected not to attend, and though Erik knows that he does not need to stay up, that the key he made for Charles some months ago will allow him to enter of his own accord, he does try at first. But inevitably fatigue sets in, and Erik feels his eyelids begin to lower.

When he opens them again it’s because he can feel Charles there, it’s because he can feel Charles’ lips brushing gently against his closed eyelids. Erik opens his eyes to regard Charles leaning over him, dressed in the old-fashioned style pyjamas he sometimes favours, ones that he previously customised with metal buttons- much to Erik’s enjoyment… Charles smiles as Erik awakens and settles down straddling his waist, stroking his fingertips gently through Erik’s hair as he leans down to kiss him once more.

“Hi…” Charles murmurs against Erik’s lips. “I’ve missed you…”

“I’ve missed you too…” Erik replies softly, sliding his hands to hold Charles’ waist as Charles smiles and begins to kiss Erik more deeply, shifting to lie down flat against Erik’s body as the embrace grows more passionate. Erik can feel Charles’ hard cock pressed against his stomach, can feel the hue of arousal coming from Charles’ mind, can feel how much he wants this, needs this. But like the last time, like all the other times in the preceding week, Erik cannot quieten the doubts that surge within his mind, and he only allows Charles to kiss him for a further few moments before he takes action.

There is a noticeable noise of protest from Charles as Erik rolls him onto his back on the bed, a frown creasing his brow that Erik yearns to press his mouth against to smooth out. But instead of doing that or even just moving away entirely Erik rolls over with Charles, and lies down with his head resting against Charles’ stomach.

“Erik…” Charles sighs, encircling Erik with his arms and rubbing Erik’s upper back slowly. For a moment it seems like Charles has something else to say, but whatever it is he keeps it to himself as he continues to gently stroke Erik’s back with the palm of his hand, lulling Erik into a state of soft security. Erik only intends to remain there for a short while, to move away from the gentle touch of Charles’ hands contrasted by the hard press of his cock Erik can feel against his chest, but Charles’ breathing is slow and steady and soothing, and before Erik knows it he is asleep.

 

Before Erik wakes, he dreams. In his dreams he is small and defenceless- an unknowable power within himself repressed as unlocked, untapped potential. The last time he felt strong was the night his parents died, when he felt a surge of strength within himself more powerful than anything he had ever felt, but still not powerful enough to save them.

Now though, Erik feels helpless. He is given instruction, command, is told he is gifted, special, is restrained and pushed and punished. He knows what is asked of him is simple, that he just needs to use his ability to move a single coin, but he cannot do it. The pain of the loss of his parents is still harsh and numbing, rendering all faculties useless, and the man who commands him will not listen when Erik says he cannot do it, when he says it is impossible.

The whole situation is wrong. It should have been salvation- an alternative to Erik spending the rest of his childhood in youth centres and foster homes, it should have been stability and security and safety. Erik was told he would be going somewhere great, that he should consider himself lucky, that normally no one would want to take in a mutant, that he stood no chance of finding a proper home otherwise. This man would give Erik shelter, a place where his special abilities would be respected and considered, where he would learn to unlock his full potential. Erik should be _grateful_.

Those words ring in Erik’s ears as he sits in a stark, white room, cold and hungry, aching for everything he is lost. The only person Erik sees is the man who does not take no for an answer, whose rage is expressed in calm catastrophes, who breaks bones for disobedience, who makes Erik wish he had died instead of his parents. Erik cannot do what is asked of him at first, he can do little more than cry for his parents and wish for escape, for an end to this misery. But eventually the tears dry, held behind a wall like a dam, keeping all emotion and sentiment locked away, leaving nothing in their wake.

Erik does not cry anymore, he schemes. He strategizes and thinks of a time when he will be free, when he will be the one who hands out punishments like they are nothing. Erik is stronger now, older, smarter, colder. He dreams over and over of exacting revenge, of hunting down the person who destroyed his ability to trust, who stole his innocence and his life. Vengeance is all he knows, and pain, but when such anger is all burned up what is there left? In the wake of reprisal Erik is left empty and numb, feeling like nothing can touch him, nothing can heal him. He constructs the semblance of a life, of college and friends and all those simple, normal things, but they do not touch him. Nothing does, not for a long time. Not until Charles.

Even as Erik dreams he feels him. Erik’s thoughts are sharp and caustic, causing burning pain in his throat, but at the edge of his misery there is soft light; a warm comforting presence that edges slowly into Erik’s subconscious. It has been happening for the entire time in which Erik has known Charles, even before Erik realised how much Charles means to him, something like a gift without expectation of retribution, of acceptance given without being asked for. Erik is pulled from painful recollection by sincere, deep love, more powerful than anything he has ever felt before, more powerful that pain or grief. It holds Erik and it keeps him, protects him, tells him he is not alone and never will be again. And when Erik opens his eyes and feels the warmth of Charles beneath himself he knows that this is where he belongs, that this is where he always should have been.

“You’re okay…” Charles murmurs softly. “Darling, it’s okay, you’re safe, Shaw can’t hurt you now…”

With Charles’ words his hands move in Erik’s hair, fingertips gracefully stroking through as Erik shakes, as his breath catches short, as he feels the swell of emotion within himself like a surge of water pushing forward, breaking through, drowning him in its wake. Erik presses his face into Charles’ shirt and hopes to hide from the sobs that rack his chest, that make him gasp for breath, that make him feel like he is dying. But Charles remains still, as stable as he has always been, and holds Erik as he trembles, until the panic subsides.

As Erik’s breathing quietens into a low rasp he keeps his face pressed against Charles’ stomach, feeling the warmth and comfort beneath the soft material of Charles’ pyjama shirt, the clothing that Erik gently nudges aside as he turns his face further into Charles’ belly. With a thought the metal buttons of Charles’ shirt pop open so that Erik can press his mouth to Charles’ skin, so that he can mark his affection on the soft flesh that yields to him, that gives him more than he deserves.

Charles moans softly as Erik’s mouth trails up his abdomen; placing feather-like kisses than cover the freckles that span Charles’ ribcage, the fragile bones that Erik presses his mouth to in reverence, marking each one with a single kiss. By the time Erik has reached Charles’ collarbone Charles’ chest is shuddering with each breath, low moans escaping his lips as Erik trails his mouth along Charles’ skin, as Erik glances down to see the visible outline of Charles’ hard cock pushing against his pyjama bottoms, as Erik knows, _really knows_ what he wants.

“I want you to fuck me”, Erik says, edging up to see Charles’ face, to watch as his eyes open in recognition of the words as he focuses on Erik, looking at him like he is searching for something, and knowing he has found it when Charles’ expression softens and he lifts his face to press a single, simple kiss to the corner of Erik’s mouth.

This time, Erik is more eager than before. He quickly removes his clothing before reaching for Charles and doing the same with his, harshly tugging Charles’ pyjama bottoms off so that Charles is pulled halfway down the bed with the force of the action, before seizing hold of Charles’ top and swiftly removing that too. Of course, like all their other encounters of this nature Charles is rather more determined to take his time, and he gently grasps Erik and holds him, leaning close to press soft kisses to Erik’s lips as he slowly rolls him onto his back.

Charles takes up position between Erik’s legs, kissing him slowly as Erik’s knees rise up to clamp against Charles’ sides- the manifestation of some unknowable fear that is hesitant to be tamed, present still as Charles’ lips begin to trail down Erik’s chest and stomach. The trepidation only intensifies when Charles reaches for a pillow and motions for Erik to lift his hips so that he can slide it underneath, something Erik only does when Charles leans close for another kiss.

Erik wraps his arms around Charles as they kiss, holding on as Charles positions the pillow and settles Erik back down upon it, leaving Erik feeling hopelessly defenceless and exposed with his ass raised by the pillow. It’s vulnerable enough as it is, but the feeling is helped by the fact that Charles is so close, that he maintains proximity as he trails his mouth down Erik’s chest and stomach, his hot breath ghosting across Erik’s hard cock and making it twitch in anticipation.

In the moment Erik is so consumed with desire that he doesn’t register what he feels first- Charles’ mouth on his cock or Charles’ fingers on his buttocks. Either way, in the next second Erik is groaning as his member slides into the wet heat of Charles’ mouth and Charles’ lubed fingers slip inside his ass, the twin sensations making Erik moan and writhe until Charles’ spare hand presses gently against Erik’s stomach to still him. By now Erik has become somewhat accustomed to how it feels to have Charles prep him, but he soon realises that the feeling of Charles sucking his cock whilst he works him open is something else entirely, something unparalleled, and he has to fight to keep from coming too quickly as Charles works him open. Of course, Charles is as attuned to Erik’s mental state as ever, and he never allows Erik to edge too close to the brink for too long before he withdraws, sometimes removing his mouth from Erik’s cock entirely and just placing gentle kisses to the shaft as his fingers twist inside Erik’s ass.

Eventually Erik can sense that it is close to the time when the act will really begin, something he still regards with trepidation in spite of his desire. Having sex with someone is one thing, but Erik and Charles are approaching a level of intimacy unlike anything Erik has ever willingly experienced, and he cannot help but fear what it will feel like, and what it might mean. And so, when Charles leans away once more Erik can’t help but tightly squeeze his eyes shut, trying not to think about how he must look laid out in that moment. He isn’t really sure what he expects- certainly nothing bad, probably nothing good either, but what he gets is a soft inhale of breath and a surge of emotion coming from Charles’ mind that almost takes Erik’s breath away.

“Oh, Erik…” Charles says softly.

Erik opens his eyes to regard Charles kneeling in-between his legs, his eyes trailing down Erik’s body. At first Erik can’t help but wonder what has Charles so moved, but then Charles looks up to meet Erik’s eyes and sends the cherished thought, the image of Erik laying back against the mattress, legs spread wide, cock hard and resting against his stomach, a stance so compliant; so trusting.

“You look so beautiful, darling…” Charles whispers, stroking one hand along Erik’s thigh as he gives Erik a watery smile.

With the long breath that Erik lets out he feels his fears leave him, filtering into the air like water evaporated by sunlight. In their wake there is trust, and love, and loyalty, and acceptance. Erik knows he is safe with Charles, that Charles will never hurt him, and that he has nothing to fear from placing himself in Charles’ hands. Now is the time to let go, to love, to trust, and to not allow the demons that have plagued him for so long to rise up against him, for they cannot hurt him anymore.

“I love you…” Erik whispers, reaching down to gently brush the fingertips of one hand against Charles’ knee.

In return, Charles looks overwhelmed for a moment, like he is softly stunned and awed. Eventually he leans over Erik, angling his lower body into position as he rests his forearms either side of Erik’s body, his face just centimetres away from Erik’s as Erik gazes at him in adoration. And then, as Erik lifts his face for a kiss, Charles starts to push his cock inside, causing Erik to groan and grasp at Charles’ back, moving his legs to wrap around Charles’ waist as their bodies slot together. Charles watches Erik’s face carefully, his expression lustful but focused, and as his cock slides in completely he dips his head to claim a kiss, and presses words into Erik’s mind like a mantra: _“I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you…”_

Erik knows, he can feel the sentiment in every one of Charles’ kisses and touches, in every echo of emotion coming from his mind. It’s what makes him grasp onto Charles so firmly, limbs wrapped around Charles as he rocks forward steadily, slowly, thoroughly, making Erik feel every inch. It doesn’t hurt anymore, it isn’t uncomfortable, it feels good and perfect and right, and finally Erik feels like he can allow himself to give in to the feeling, to the pleasure he knows Charles can give.

Amidst intermittent kisses Charles looks at Erik, gazes at him like he can’t be sure this is really happening, that Erik is really there. Erik can understand Charles’ disbelief- it has taken the two of them so long to get to this point, to reach a place where they are completely secure and happy together, and Erik can’t help but regret every obstacle he has thrown in the way. But at the same time if it wasn’t for those moments then they wouldn’t have this one, Erik wouldn’t be able to lie there and feel all of Charles’ joy and appreciation for what Erik has given up, to see the ecstasy in Charles’ eyes, to feel it from his lips.

Without the restriction of uncertainty Charles is a master, and the way he moves makes Erik’s toes curl, makes pressure build promisingly in the base of his cock, makes him ache to touch himself but at the same time fear doing anything to change the feeling. Charles’ body is warm against Erik’s own, hot and dampened by droplets of sweat as he rocks forward, as his stomach slides against Erik’s cock and sends little spasms of pleasure running through Erik’s body. But it’s not so much the intermittent stimulation to Erik’s member that makes him shudder, this time it’s what Charles’ cock is doing to his prostate. With each stroke Erik feels his cock twitch in recognition, feels his balls grow heavy, feels his heart thud uncertainly in his chest, until he is gasping and almost edging away on the mattress, too consumed by the unfamiliar feeling to know what he is doing. But Charles grasps Erik, holds his face and kisses him softly, whispers: “It’s okay, love, just let it happen, let it happen…” and then Erik is groaning and coming, feeling his untouched cock spurt onto his stomach, feeling Charles moan too in recognition of Erik clenching around his cock as he gasps and shudders through his own orgasm.

For a while there is nothing but a tangle of feelings and thoughts and sensations, wrapped tight around Erik like a cluster of fireflies, like lights dancing before his eyes. But slowly everything comes back into focus, and Erik registers the weight of Charles pressed against his body, his breath coming out hot and fast against Erik’s chest.

“Charles…” Erik murmurs, holding Charles’ waist with both hands. “Liebling, are you alright?”

There is a quiet, contented chuckle from Charles in return as he lies there, his cock still buried in Erik’s ass and slowly softening, and for a while Erik wonders if Charles has fucked himself into some sort of stupor. But then he props himself up and looks down at Erik- a ridiculously wide grin on his face.

“Perfect”, Charles replies. “I’m perfect”.

Erik can’t help but smile back in return.

“Yes… You are”.


End file.
